Gwyneth Paltrow reveals her wedding photos & her very basic Valentino gown

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Took me a minute to get it together, but at long last, for those who have requested, a little look inside the best day of our lives. Link in bio for more. #thefaltrows

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I’d actually forgotten that we had not yet seen Gwyneth Paltrow’s wedding dress. There was some speculation that maybe Gwyneth had sold or given her wedding photos to Vogue, People Magazine or some other site or publication. But no – Gwyneth saved her wedding photos for her own site, Goop. It’s cross-promotional – come for the wedding photos and stay for the pseudoscience.

Anyway, considering Gwyneth’s September wedding to Brad Falchuk was her first “real” wedding – she and Chris Martin eloped when she was pregnant with Apple – I was expecting something very big, very elitist, and very… exclusive, you know? I don’t think I was expecting a rather mundane celebrity wedding in the Hamptons, with Gwyneth wearing a pretty basic Valentino gown.

The Valentino gown was custom, and I’m shook – not really – that Stella McCartney wasn’t asked to do it. Maybe Gwyneth knows all too well that her friend Stella is a terrible designer, except that looking through the slideshow, I just saw that Stella was asked to do the reception minidress, so there you go. Stella couldn’t be trusted with the gown, but the reception dress was fine. That being said, I could have designed this snooze of a Valentino wedding gown in my sleep. This is yet another signal that Gwyneth is really hellbent on pandering to the peasantry – look, she’s just like us, her customized wedding gown looks like some cheap off-the-rack bullsh–t too. Also: Gwyneth apparently worked with makeup artist Gucci Westman to achieve this natural, just rolled out of bed look. Her stringy, unwashed-looking hair was styled by Orlando Pita. I need to buy him a drink for this.

You can see a full slideshow at the Goop link below – there’s a lot of wedding-scene p0rn, which I do genuinely enjoy. There seems to have been a blanket of roasted carrots and open-air roasted pineapples for the rehearsal dinner. There was prime rib and gin-based signature cocktails for the wedding reception. The wedding cake was a “compromise”: “Forty-five personalized carrot cakes (bride’s choice) and forty-five chocolate and vanilla cakes (groom’s choice).” SHE CHOSE CARROT CAKE FOR HER WEDDING OMG. At least Brad had some sense. There are tons of IDs for all of the wedding accoutrements too, which makes me think that Gwyneth’s gauche peasant wedding was sponsored, and she probably made money off it. Soooooo tacky.

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Photos courtesy of Gwyneth’s Instagram.

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