Kourtney Kardashian Says She's a “Proud Wife” on Topless Pic! WTH?

This has been one hell of a month for Kourtney Kardashian.

First, she broke up with Younes Bendjima after two years. Days later, she was spotted partying with Scott Disick, though he’s still dating Sofia Richie.

Now she’s posting on social media about being a “proud wife.” What?!

We promise that this will make a little sense in a moment, but you can understand why this post left some people’s heads spinning.

Kourtney shared a photo on her Instagram stories featuring herself topless.

Now, the forbidden lady nipples offend Instagram’s delicate sensibilities, so she slipped those nips behind a censor bar.

Along the censor bar, Kourtney writes the words: “proud wife.”

Take a look:

Kourtney may have suspected that some would miss her meaning and wonder if she had lost her mind and married Younes or Scott or some unknown and probably hilarious third option.

Because she added some writing on the side of her image for people to see as soon as they were done recovering from shock and staring at her MILFy toplessness.

“I swear this pic is about Steph’s jeans,” Kourtney scrawls in white captions.

You can see those words, in the lower right hand corner of the photo, if you tear your eyes away from Kourt’s underboob and abs for just a second.

So, the explanation, in case you dedicate your mind to remembering “friend’s birthdays” and “how to drive” instead of filling your gray matter with Kardashians facts.

One of Kourtney’s BFFs is Steph Shep. You might remember that she worked for Kim for a long time but the two parted ways not too long ago after Steph began to feel dissatisfied.

Well, she and Kourt are still super close. And Kourtney is modeling her friend’s jeans.

Not, like, jeans from Steph’s closet. These are jeans designed by Steph.

Steph, as you may recall, often refers to Kourtney as “wife” on social media. Kourt’s caption was a nod to that.

No, Kourtney and Steph are not literally married anywhere outside of some fans’ dreams.

Sometimes straight women refer to their “girlfriend” or even ‘wife” because they are so close to their friends, which has the side effect of leaving gay and bi women very confused.

What Kourt was doing here was more than just a modeling gig. She’s using her Kardashian branding power to promote her friend’s jeans.

And she’s wearing, except for the shoes, nothing but those jeans because she knows that it’ll get more attention.

That is a sign of real friendship, folks.

Kourtney was the first of her siblings to have children, but she hasn’t rushed to the altar like either of her Kardashian sisters.

It is always possible that she could marry one day, but she sure doesn’t have to. For everyone, marriage is an if, not just a when.

If Kourtney does decide to put a ring on it one day, it probably won’t be with Younes. Sorry, but it looks like they’re truly done with each other.

There are still fans that hope that it’ll be with Scott, but that doesn’t seem likely at the moment.

Maybe there’s someone else out there who will check off all of the right boxes with Kourtney. We’ll see.

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