Open Post: Hosted By Marky Mark's Sad Daily Routine

Ever wonder why Mark Whalberg turned into an uptight spoiled sport who hates fun or why his face is the way it is? Well, you try waking up at 2:30 AM to hit the gym while subsisting on three grapes and sidewalk chalk flavored protein shakes and see how ebullient you feel! According to Page Six, Mahky Mahk answered his fans burning questions about his physique on Instagram, and surprisingly, they weren’t all about his alleged involvement in a steroids ring.

Here’s Mahk’s grueling schedule which, if true, is a thing of sadness. It’s bleakness makes me feel sorry for him, and I can’t stand him!

My favorite thing about this schedule is his allotted “family time” is shared with meetings and work calls and happens at a time when his kids are probably in school. I mean, he picks them up at 3:00 PM so unless they come home for lunch, “family time” is probably some sort of euphemism for masturbation, something that he can totally do while on work calls.

This is the kind of obsessive routine you might expect from somebody who’s scared of being alone with his own thoughts for more than 2 minute stretches. It’s almost as if he’s haunted by some things he’s done in his past. But we’ll never know because Mahk is a forgetter, not a fighter!

Here’s him forgetting that God wasn’t too pleased about Boogie Nights. Hopefully God can also forgive Mahk for taking two days off to rest (per his doctors orders) when he only needed one.

And here he is trying to forget about The Happening.

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Back at it! #4amclub

A post shared by Mark Wahlberg (@markwahlberg) on

What a miserable life. What happens when he gets down to just two pieces of sweet potato? Will he finally be worthy of God’s love? Maybe. God does love rich people. It actually seems like Mahk is just sharing because he’s shilling for a “lifestyle nutrition” company called Performance Inspired.

Obviously there’s a market for this type of shit. Jane Fonda made a mint off workout tapes back in the 80’s. My mom had them, she used them for about 3 months before they ended up in the back of the closet with the Sweatin’ To The Oldies tapes and the Suzanne Somers Thighmaster. But at least Jane always seemed like she was having fun. Who in the fuck is going to be inspired by Mahk’s depressing routine?

Pic: Instagram

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