Paris Hilton Admits To Extreme Trauma After 2004 Sex Tape Leak: ‘It Was Like Being Raped’

14 years after her infamous leaked sex tape, Paris Hilton has opened up about the pain and embarrassment she suffered afterwards. She even said that the scandal made her ‘literally’ want to die.

“It was like being raped,” Paris Hilton, 37, said of her 2004 leaked sex tape with then-boyfriend Rick Salomon in the new documentary, The American Meme, per USA Today. “It felt like I’d lost part of my soul and been talked about in such cruel and mean ways. I literally wanted to die at some points. I was like, ‘I just don’t want to live,’ because I thought everything was taken away from me. I didn’t want to be known as that.”

Paris was a centerpiece of the Meme documentary, which also follows the rises (and falls) of social-media stars as Brittany Furlan, Josh “The Fat Jew” Ostrovsky, and others. Paris wanted to be a part of the films so she could reveal a part of herself that not everyone knows (outside of her near nine million Instagram followers.) “When Bert [Marcus, the director] told me about this film, he basically said, ‘Paris, you’re the O.G. of all this,’ ” she said during a Q&A session after the film’s premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 27. I really trusted him and was very vulnerable about things I had never spoken about before, and basically just wanted to show the real me, because I don’t think I ever have before.”

“I felt like the world was introduced to me through The Simple Life,” Paris said. “There was no reality television back then, so it was very new. There was no social media, so I basically created this character that was basically what I thought the audience wanted, like, ‘Oh, she’s rich, so she needs to be a spoiled airhead’ — basically what the producers told me to do.”

Despite the heartache and suicidal thoughts that Paris’s leaked sex tape caused, it seems this film has a happy ending. Meme shows how Paris built a life post-scandal and after reality television. In addition to her successful fashion and perfume lines, it also shows how she built a career as a successful DJ, performing across the globe while pulling in six figures for sets. She also spoke about how she’s ready to start a new chapter in her story with fiancé Chris Zylka.

“I’m very excited for the next phase of my life and to start a family and find true happiness,” Paris said, before adding that “being in Ibiza every summer, DJing until eight in the morning” can get a bit boring. “I’m still going to continue being the girl boss I am, but I’m also going to be a mom, and I can’t wait for that day.”

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