It’s the little surprises that keep life interesting.
If you’d have told me a fortnight ago that someone’s boast-fest would make me warm to them, I would have insisted that was impossible.
And yet that’s exactly what’s just happened.
I don’t recall ever even hearing, let alone paying attention to, anything Catherine Zeta-Jones has ever said before.
But now she has made me sit up and take notice. How? By doing something completely unique in the world of celebrity.
“One thing I’m not is humble any more,” she said in this very newspaper.
“I’m sick of being humble. I really am. ‘So sorry I’m rich, so sorry I’m married to a movie star, so sorry I’m not so bad looking’.”
Yes, on the one hand that’s kind of vile… but on the other, of course that’s what she’s thinking – you can tell from the look on her face, she’s not that good an actress.
And there’s something very refreshing about her admitting it.
Her life is better than ours and she’s pretty chuffed about it. Why wouldn’t she be?
The best – well, most interesting – thing that could happen now is that CZJ’s outlook catches on among famouses.
It would be the perfect clapback against the photoshopped, set up, #blessed Instagram movement of the moment.
No hashtag, no filter. Imagine…
Now: “I’m just lucky, I have good genes. I love burgers and fries, honestly. I eat like a horse!”
CZJ Realness: “It’s a trade-off. I work out 10 times a day, seven days a week so I can enjoy pigging out on three grapes every other morning.”
Now: “We have mutually, amicably decided to separate. We’re full of admiration for each other, and respect for the beautiful times we shared. We wish each other the very best, and will continue to be best friends.”
CZJ Realness: “She is so dumped. When I started out in this business I thought she was the best I could get, but now I’m more successful I’ve realised I can do better, so I have, regularly.
“Hoping to never see her again – and I doubt I will, because she won’t be able to get into the kind of places I go to now.”
The on-set experience
Now: “We had such a wonderful time, I’m so lucky. We were like one big, happy family. The director is unbelievably talented with incredible vision.”
CZJ Realness: “It was a nightmare. They are all mental. I would throw myself into the path of moving traffic rather than speak to any of them ever again. I hope the director dies.”
The plastic surgery
Now: “My beauty secrets are drinking lots of water and making sure I get enough sleep. Regular facials. I’d never have anything done, I’m all natural.”
CZJ Realness: “There is more Botox in my face than in the
populations of Brentwood and Beverly Hills combined.”
The drugs and alcohol
Now: “I was just experimenting… but don’t forget it was only prescription drugs, not proper ones. I’m full
of regret and remorse and really disappointed in myself.
“I’d like to apologise to everyone I’ve let down.”
CZJ Realness: “Best. Night. Ever!”
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