50 questions to ask before making your relationship official

So, you’re dating someone you really like.

Perhaps you want to take the plunge and make your relationship official?

Entering into a relationship is a big deal. Essentially, it’s committing to someone you see yourself with long-term. 

As a result, there are a number of things to take into account before you make the next move.

Asking yourself a variety of questions can help you think more realistically – especially if you’re in the honeymoon period of a new romance.

Clinical sexologist and relationship coach Ness Cooper explains: ‘When we enter into a new relationship it can be easy to only see a fantasy version we hope for. 

‘Asking questions before taking the next steps can help make the relationship realistic and attainable, as you get to understand what your potential partner is really like – rather than the version we may try and project onto them.’

This is something also backed up by psychotherapist and coach Andre Radmall, who says it’s vital not to see the situation with rose-tinted glasses – so questioning things can help bring things back to reality.

He adds: ‘When a tsunami hits it sweeps everything in its path away. New relationships can be a tsunami of passion, lust, love and obsession. Psychologists all the way back to Freud have equated falling in love with a temporary loss of sanity.

‘So I suggest that before telling the world about a new relationship, it is essential to step back and ask some questions. 

‘These will give a grounded and sober appraisal of whether this is something you want to make “official.”’

As a result, experts have shared 50 questions to ask before making your relationship official – breaking it down into ones to ask yourself and others to ask your partner.

This is because asking your partner certain questions can help you see if you’ll be compatible in a relationship and also whether you want similar things.

50 questions to ask before making your relationship official:

25 questions to ask yourself:

Have you told your closest friends about this person? (If not, what are you hiding? If you have, how did they react?)

What is the most annoying habit the other person has? (If it’s annoying now, how will you feel a year into a relationship?)

Is it lust, love or both? 

In conversation, is your partner listening to you as much as they are sharing about themselves? 

How are decisions made? (Is one person more dominant and if so are you OK with that?)

How is conflict or difference of opinion handled?

Do you have fun together? 

Are you on the rebound?  

Do you feel secure in your feelings for each other?

If you’re a woman, can you be vulnerable and feel emotionally safe with a male partner?

Are you both at the same stage of life – want children/don’t want children etc?

Are you a good financial fit – AKA, do you have the same views on money and spending?

Do your families and friends like your partner or are there concerns?

Are your views on raising a family aligned?

Do you have same/similar sexual appetite, and do you connect on an intimate level?

Are your political views aligned and if not, can you manage having polar opposite views?

Are your attachment styles compatible and if not, can you manage to navigate a relationship?

Are previous relationships closed and are there exes who may affect your future stability and happiness?

Does the relationship energise you and do you feel sad when you imagine not being together?

Do you have the same thoughts on marriage and, if not, how can you resolve this?

What do you want from this relationship and is this person able and willing to offer that? 

Do you love and admire them? 

Are you choosing them because they are a safe bet?

Are they a good friend? (In other words, will they have your back and are you willing to have theirs?)

 Is their level of commitment equal to yours?

25 questions to ask your partner:

What type of safe sex method do you prefer? (A conversation around STIs and testing is also recommended here).

Is there anything in particular that relaxes you that I can help with?

Are you hoping for an exclusive relationship – or wanting to explore other relationship structures such as an open one?

What are your barriers, buttons not to push, and no-go zones?

Should we have any rules to how we date (such as public kissing, no nicknames)?

Is there anything in your life that has been consistently important to you I should know about?

Do you have any other commitments I should be aware of? 

How do you think we can help each other grow?

Are you a morning or night time person? (It may seem like a silly question to ask, but finding out when our partners are more alert can make use work out when to plan certain activities.)

What makes sex and intimacy special to you?

How often do you prefer to have sex?

What are your relationship goals? (Long-term and short-term)

How would you describe how you see healthy relationships?

How would you like to divide time between other important relationships such as friends and family?

Is there anything that always upsets you I should know about, to avoid, or comfort you when it does happen?

What would you like to improve in your life? (Maybe I can help you reach your goal.)

What are your romantic expectations/how do you see romance?

What are your expectations of your partner in a relationship? 

What are your turn ons and turn offs?

What makes you feel content?

What makes you feel fulfilled?

What triggers you?

How would you describe your sexuality?

What is your view on monogamy?

How do you care for yourself?

Sexologist Ness Cooper, psychologist Andre Radmall, Dr Anthony Newton from Private Therapy Clinic, Michelle Begy from Ignite Dating and relationship psychologist Heather Garbutt contributed these questions. 

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected]

Source: Read Full Article