It's hard to see your relationship clearly when you're in it. There's no yardstick, no meaningful comparisons, no control group. We don't have access to other people's relationships; we know only what we experience in our own.
There is no painless way to end a relationship with someone who doesnʼt want you to go.
I thought marriage would teach me about love, but I was wrong. Marriage simply taught me about my relationship with my husband. It wasn't until I was separated, and dating again, that the real lessons began. There is nothing like 40 first dates and a series of short-term liaisons to teach you what makes couples work – or not.
Every relationship is different, whether it lasts hours or a lifetime. But there are some universal truths.
• You can't heal a broken person with your love. They must heal themselves.
• There is no "right" way to be a couple. You can be monogamous or open, live separately or together, share everything or keep separate bank accounts. Love doesn't follow a blueprint.
• You need to pay attention to your instincts. If something feels wrong to you, then it probably is.
• The most important thing you can do for your love life is to be okay within yourself.
• You need to really enjoy your partner's company. If you don't, then there's no point in staying together. And if you do, then most other things become bearable.
• A wicked sense of humour can be a great aphrodisiac.
• The more interests and friends and ideas you have of your own, the more you will bring to your relationship.
• You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still be attracted to others.
• You never need to apologise to a third party for your partner's bad behaviour. They are responsible for themselves. You can shrug and keep on loving them.
• If someone goes cold on you, you can't force them to fall back in love with you. It is out of your hands.
• Great sex can keep a relationship going long after its expiry date.
• You can be madly in love with someone who isn't good for you. You can also be powerfully attracted to someone you don't particularly like.
• Your partner's baggage is theirs to carry, not yours. You can support them, and you can love them, but you cannot carry their pain. It will just bring both of you down.
• Every person you meet will see you slightly differently. Your partner should be the person whose idea of you most closely fits the way you want to be seen.
• It's okay to forgive your partner for hurting you, even when your friends still hold a grudge. But if all of your trusted friends believe that your relationship is toxic, you should probably heed their advice.
• It really helps if you like each other's friends and family.
• It's normal to covet other people's spouses, but remember that no person and no relationship is perfect. If your garden is truly barren, the grass may be greener on the other side. But if your lawn is average, the grass is probably just a slightly different shade of green.
• If you find yourself physically repulsed by your partner, it's all over.
• There is no painless way to end a relationship with someone who doesn't want you to go. They're still going to be horribly hurt, and you're just going to have to suck it up.
• Relationships are not failures if they don't last forever.
• Gaslighting is the worst form of emotional abuse one person can inflict on another.
• It takes two to make a good divorce.
• You can't be "friends" with an ex while still in love with them. You need time and space to get over them.
• The way you feel about yourself when you are with your partner will tell you everything you need to know about your relationship
• Men can be such pains in the arse. But gosh, they're endearing.
Source: Read Full Article