Relationship expert reveals how to get what you want in the bedroom using the ‘sandwich rule’ – and the language you need to avoid
- There are a variety of awkward questions that come up in the bedroom
- FEMAIL spoke to a relationship expert about how to approach these situations
- One of her main pieces of advice is to speak up and use your words
- She also revealed why the ‘sandwich rule’ is key to getting what you want
From trying to ask your partner what you want to telling them that they’re not satisfying you, there are a variety of awkward questions that often come up in the bedroom.
Unfortunately not everyone knows how to ask what they want, nor do they know the best way to approach their questions.
FEMAIL spoke to Melbourne-based relationship expert, Megan Luscombe, about how to ideally approach these situations.
Her main advice? Speak up and use the ‘sandwich rule’ to get what you want.
FEMAIL spoke to Melbourne-based relationship expert, Megan Luscombe, about how to approach awkward questions in the bedroom
‘Tell them what you want, how you want it and where you want it. Women need to stop hiding behind the “they should just know what I want” dialogue and take ownership of honest communication,’ Megan said.
‘If you want great sex, you’ve got to work at it. If you want your partner to make you orgasm, you’ve got to show them how,’ she added.
Of course it’s one thing to want this from your partner, but not everyone knows how to phrase their desires.
Megan recommends you start your requests off with things like: ‘I really love when you do this to me’ and: ‘I love having sex with you but for me to orgasm I’d really love for you to do…’.
If you’re after something different in the bedroom Megan explained that the only way to achieve this is by being open and honest with your partner.
‘If you want great sex, you’ve got to work at it. If you want your partner to make you cum, you’ve got to show them how,’ she said (stock image)
‘Sex isn’t scary, we make it that way. We’ve made it so we’re shy to ask for what we want or we’re too scared to say what we mean,’ she said.
‘Speak up to your partner, they’ll appreciate you for being honest. After all, they want you to have great sex WITH THEM.
‘So, mention that you want to change things up to see what else feels good.
‘If you’re trying to tell your partner that what they’re doing isn’t working for you, you need to “sandwich it”.
‘Speak up to your partner, they’ll appreciate you for being honest. After all, they want you to have great sex WITH THEM,’ Ms Luscombe explained
‘For example say, “I love when you go down on me because it makes me so happy you want to please me but I’d love if you focused more on XYZ, this way I can orgasm and enjoy it even more”.
‘Obviously we don’t want to hurt our partner’s feelings, but we also don’t want to continue having bad sex or foreplay.
‘Telling your partner the truth is important, but tact is equally important also.’
– Speak up to your partner
– Tell them what you want, how you want it and where you want it
– ‘Sandwich’ your requests
– When asking for things, make sure you’re tactful
– Avoid hurting their feelings
– Stay away from comments like “I hate when you do this”
– Avoid being negative
– Don’t make comments that are demeaning or unnecessarily mean
Ms Luscombe said that you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, but you also don’t want to continue having bad sex or bad foreplay
Ms Luscombe explained that the easiest way to get what you want in the bedroom is simply asking for it.
‘Have the conversation, open up the dialogue and be honest and truthful. Once you remove the fear, you’re good to go,’ she explained.
‘If you want to ask your partner what they want, you need to invite them into a conversation about sex, something simple like “when it comes to sex, what really pleases you? I’d love to know so we can continue to have great sex”.’
When it comes to asking certain things from your partner there is language you should, and shouldn’t, use.
‘Stay away from “I hate when you do this” or “you have no idea what you’re doing” type of comments, they’re CRAZY damaging,’ Ms Luscombe told FEMAIL.
‘When it comes to sex we need to have positive, forward moving conversations. My rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t like someone making the comment to you, it’s probably best you don’t make it to them.
‘Any comment that is demeaning, unnecessarily mean or unhelpful shouldn’t be said.’
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