Experts reveal how to help orchestrate your own proposal

Would YOU plan your own proposal? After Kristen Stewart ‘distinctly carved out’ her engagement, experts advise how to guide a partner without being overbearing – from dropping hints in ideal locations to making a scrapbook

  • Kristen Stewart said yes to her girlfriend Dylan Meyer’s proposal last week
  • Revealed the news this week, saying: ‘I very distinctly carved out what I wanted’
  • Experts have now revealed how you can orchestrate the big question for partner
  • One advised ‘communicating clearly’ but ‘being flexible with expectations’  

Experts have revealed how you can help your partner propose after Kristen Stewart revealed she ‘very distinctly’ carved out how she wanted her girlfriend to pop-the-question. 

The LA-born actress, 31,  who was rocketed to worldwide fame playing Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga, revealed earlier this week that she is engaged after saying yes to her girlfriend Dylan Meyer’s proposal.

Speaking on Howard Stern on Tuesday, she said: ‘I wanted to be proposed to, so I think I very distinctly carved out what I wanted and she nailed it. We’re marrying, it’s happening.’

Relationship expert Martina Mercer told FEMAIL that helping to orchestrate the proposal is all about communicating clearly with your partner.

She explained: ‘If you’ve both talked about marriage, you know you want to get married, there’s no reason why the two of you can’t have input into the proposal too.

Experts have revealed how you can help your partner propose after it emerged Kristen Stewart ‘very distinctly’ carved out how she wanted her girlfriend to pop-the-question

‘Of course, traditionally this is usually left to the proposer, but the partner may actually be relieved to relinquish a little responsibility depending on their own character. It won’t work for everyone.’

She explained: ‘It’s rare for a proposal to live up to the fantasy created over a lifetime but Kirsten seems to have managed this perfectly by making suggestions to her partner.

‘It can be very difficult to convey your wishes of a perfect proposal without taking away the spontaneity, the magic or control but there are ways to achieve this.’ 

CLEARLY COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU WANT – OR MAKE A SCRAP BOOK TO SHOW THEM YOUR IDEAS

The expert revealed clearly communicating with a partner is the best way to approach the topic of proposing. 

Martina explained: ‘In order to have a say in the way your partner proposes you need to have good communication already in place. 

‘Your partner needs to know that you trust them to pull it off while still taking on board constructive suggestions. This isn’t always easy.’

‘Communication also helps to open the conversation of, “what would your ideal proposal look like?” 

‘This is a gentler way to have your say without taking over completely.’

Meanwhile relationship expert Tatyana Dyachenko suggested creating a ‘proposal scrapbook’ with ideas for your partner. 

She said: ‘Communication is the key to any successful relationship and communicating your desires for proposal is no different. 

‘If you have a clear idea of how you’d like your proposal to go and it’s really important to you then it’s also important to discuss it with your partner. 

Wife and wife one day: The beauty broke the news when on Howard Stern on Tuesday. ‘We’re marrying, we’re totally gonna do it,’ she announced on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Show

‘As much as our partners love us they cannot read our minds and that is why communication is key.’

She added: ‘ The best way to effectively communicate to your partner about what you want is to sit down with them and go over everything. 

‘You may want to create a proposal scrapbook together which contains all of the ideas you’d like to incorporate. 

‘At the very least write everything down so your partner has something to refer back to.

‘If you have a time frame in mind make sure you communicate that with your partner but I wouldn’t go a far as setting a date for the proposal.’ 

TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T WANT  

Relationship expert Lucy Beresford said speaking to your partner is particularly important if there are things you don’t want to happen during a proposal.

She explained: ‘If for example you hate surprises, it’s important that your partner is aware of this. 

‘This means you are unlikely to be shocked with a public proposal with all your friends and family involved on the ‘secret’.

‘Settings are important, with locations that are personal adding to the meaning of the moment. 

DON’T FOCUS ON THE ‘INSTA’ MOMENT 

Lucy suggested maintaining ‘a sense of perspective’ about the proposal. 

She explained: ‘Do you want to be asked to spend the rest of your life with this person, or do you want to have an experience that is just for social media? 

‘Letting go of control in this matter is a way of showing your partner that you are flexible and tolerant in general, and won’t act like a control freak in the marriage – unless they already know that about you, in which case, let rip and write it all down, with images from Pinterest and a sound-track.

‘But if you give just gentle guidance, you create space for your partner to show their love for you in their way and that, along with the ring, can be a beautiful gift to receive.’

And Tatyana added: ‘Try to let go of the notion of perfect and don’t lose sight of the reason why you want to get engaged in the first place. Which is, hopefully, because you love your partner and want to spend the rest of your life with them. 

‘As much as you might desire the picture perfect Instagram worthy engagement scenario that is not always how it works out in real life. 

‘Although whimsical and romantic engagement stories can be a nice thing to have it’s not the be all and end all of a relationship.’

‘So you might consider dropping gentle hints when you and your partner are in your special place, along the lines of saying, “this would be an amazing place to get engaged”.  

‘And see if they pick up on the hint. And given that so many proposals are posted online, you can mention a few of them to your partner, so that they start to know that you have a preference for candles or roses or in a restaurant or in a part.’

BE FLEXIBLE WITH YOUR EXPECTATIONS 

Meanwhile the experts said it is important to ‘let go of control’ and ‘let go of the fantasy’ of a proposal.

Martina said: ‘If you expect your partner to follow your instructions to the letter, without injecting any of their own personality or ideas, you may be disappointed. 

‘Let go of the fantasy and understand that any deviations from the plan have come from a place of love. 

‘The proposal is unique to the two of you, and it’s the feelings that should be embraced and remembered, not necessarily the setting.’

Tatyana agreed, explaining: ‘If you’re partner loves you I have no doubt they want to give you the proposal of your dreams but they are only human and can only do so much.

‘If you put too much pressure on them they will become stressed and in some case may even resent the whole thing. 

‘Be realistic about what can be achieved, the budget that you have and what your partner is capable of.’ 

KEEP ELEMENTS OF SURPRISE 

Even if you are clearly communicating with your partner about the proposal, the experts said it is important to keep elements of surprise. 

Tatyana revealed: ‘You want there to be some element of surprise to it. If on the big day your partner forgets anything don’t get angry at them.

‘They will have likely tried their best and you getting angry at then will only aggravate the situation. 

‘Trust is a big part of relationship so you have to trust in your partner and know that they only want the best for you.’ 

Meanwhile Martina added: ‘You can guide your partner in the type of proposal you’d like, the place, the time of day, the people you will be surrounded with, but it’s a good idea to let them choose when it will take place. 

‘This leaves the element of surprise in tact and retains the magic a proposal should have.’  

TAKE CONTROL AND POP THE QUESTION YOURSELF

Meanwhile Alex Mellor-Brook, co-founder of Select Personal Introductions, said those who have a crystal clear impression of what they’d like for a proposal should ‘take control’ and pop the question themselves. 

He said: ‘The question you need to consider is, which is more important, the way they propose or spending the rest of your life with this wonderful person.

‘If it’s the proposition itself and you think they may not achieve what you have wanted for so long, then you propose. 

‘Take control of that moment in your life, own it, so that memory is how you wanted it, rather than a failed attempt that will always be there in your thoughts.’

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