DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD unprotected sex with a girl who then went on to have a child with another guy I know from school.
Friends now keep saying her son looks like me.
I can’t believe it’s possible, but is there a chance I could have fathered a child?
At my mate’s 21st birthday bash last year, we all had a lot to drink and I had been chatting up this really pretty girl in the bar all evening.
She followed me when I went outside for a cigarette and we started flirting and kissing. I was 21, she was 20.
Next thing I knew we were sitting in the back of my car and having sex. It was pretty good, as I remember, but didn’t last long. Stupidly, I didn’t use a condom — but at the time she seemed fine about that.
I tried to call her a couple of days after. I would have been happy to take her out on a date but she didn’t want to talk to me so I just forgot about her.
Within weeks she started dating this other guy from the next village. Next thing, the news going around was that she was pregnant and they were moving in together.
Whenever they came into the pub, they seemed happy, but we never exchanged more than just hellos.
Her little boy is now around six months old. My mates showed me a photo of him with his dad and I have to agree the kid’s eyes and nose do look like mine, but the baby has fair hair and I’m very dark.
It’s really been playing on my mind in the past couple of weeks.
I decided I would give her a call just to try to find out a bit more. She was polite but very cool with me on the phone.
When I mentioned her kid she said she had nothing to discuss with me. She then cut the call and has ignored my text messages, too.
It’s left my feelings all over the place.
DEIDRE SAYS: People often seem to project on to babies resemblances that stem from wishful thinking rather than biological reality – as when unknowing strangers comment to adoptive parents how like them their baby is.
Plus they can resemble one parent one month and the other parent the next. Or they can seem not to resemble either parent at all. Their colouring and features change too as they grow.
You had not considered the possibility that you were this baby’s dad until your mates brought up the photo.
There is always just an outside chance you are the dad given the timing, but this girl has given you no reason to think you are.
Either she knows you definitely are not, or it suits her better and is better for her son’s welfare, for him to be her partner’s child. He is doing the parenting, after all.
Best kill the rumours in their tracks and not to allow your mates to stir up further gossip.
The turmoil you are going through now will be a reminder in the future not to put yourself in this dilemma again. Make sure you use protection.
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