DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter is marrying next month and I don’t want my brother to come as he will spoil the occasion.
He is 48, divorced with no family and has been a drug user for years. He has been in and out of hospital many times with depression.
I’m 45 and I have sorted out his finances, paying off debts and credit cards.
My other brother and I got him a nice flat, which we did up, thinking it would be a fresh start. Two years on and he’s turned it into a pig sty. He’s given up and I have run out of ideas.
I’ve tried being nice, and shouting, but nothing works. He’ll come to the wedding with our sister but I know she isn’t keen on the idea either.
I want to walk away from him and his problems but can’t, though I am weary from sleepless nights.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are upset that your brother is incapable of sustaining a healthy lifestyle in spite of all your efforts.
You also feel shame that he is the way he is. You cannot change him, but you can change your emotional response.
Speak to your daughter. If she wants him at her wedding it is her choice. He may embarrass himself but your brother cannot embarrass you.
Be determined to enjoy the special day.
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