Mother feels guilty about child support she 'doesn't need'

Mother-of-three admits she takes support money she ‘doesn’t need’ from her ill ex-husband – even though it means he will ‘never be able to retire’

  • US-based mother revealed she felt guilty for receiving child support didn’t need 
  • She explained her ex-husband loved first two children, Sam, 19 and Beth, 16 
  • However, tried for her to give up the third child Ann, 13, and refuses to meet her 
  • Husband’s parents gave $250,000 inheritance to Ann to make up for behavior 
  • Couple now divorced and the father still has to pay child support for three kids
  • Father is in poor health but can’t retire because paying child support monthly  

A mother-of-three has admitted she takes support money she ‘doesn’t need’ from her ill ex-husband – even though it means he will ‘never be able to retire’. 

The unnamed parent, from the US, took to Reddit’s Am I The A******  to share her feelings of guilt and explain that her former husband was put in this position after he shunned their third child and refuses to meet her.

The mother, who has three children, Sam, 19, Beth, 16 and Ann, 13, explained the duo had always planned to have that many, but that her husband ‘changed his mind’ during her third pregnancy, and urged her to give up their youngest for adaption.

This led the pair to divorce and the unnamed father being forced by a judge to send a substantial amount of child support for all three children – despite trying to send less money by quickly changing careers. 

The mother added that while he was a ‘loving’ father to his two firstborns, he refused to meet with his third child, who was given his $250,000 inheritance from her paternal grandparents after they discovered their son’s despicable actions.  

A mother-of-three has admitted her son ‘hates her for being greedy’ after discovering she takes child support money she ‘doesn’t need’ from her ex-partner, who is in poor health and won’t be able to retire because of his payments (stock picture)

But this has created friction between the eldest child Sam, and his mother and sister, Ann, as he has urged the two to return his father’s money to him – but people online insisted the mother should tell her eldest son about his father’s appalling antics. 

The unnamed mother explained the father of the children asked for a divorce and 50-50 custody of the two oldest kids when she refused to give the third one up for adoption. 

‘The judge ordered him to pay ½ the college cost for all three in addition to a hefty child support for Ann, as he made a huge career change trying to get out of support, but was instead ordered to pay at the previous rate,’ she said. 

She added that while her ex-partner was a ‘doting father’ to Sam and Beth, he refused to ever meet Ann. She also explained she had remarried to a man who had raised all three kids as his own. 

‘Because our state doesn’t reduce a bio parent’s financial obligation due to the income of a step-parent, the dual income allowed my husband and I to raise the kids very comfortably,’ she explained.

The ex-partner doesn’t pay support for Sam, who is over 18, but still pays support for Ann, 13 and Beth, 16, and the money is being put aside for the three children’s ‘future needs.’  

‘My ex’s parents were furious at his decision to cut out Ann, and redirected his inheritance to Ann,’ the mother said, adding the inheritance was worth $250,000. 

The unnamed mother of Sam, 19, Beth, 16 and Ann, 13, explained the couple got a divorce when she refused to give up Ann for adaption. She also added that the husband was still paying child support for Ann and Beth, and that the father’s inheritance had been redirected to Ann because his parents were appalled by his decision and wanted to make up for it 

‘Initially this made sense to me, as I figured it would go to Ann’s therapy bills to deal with the damage of being abandoned by her father while her siblings were accepted and loved by him,’ the mother explained. 

She explained Ann was actually unphased by the situation, having been raised by her step-father all her life and harboring no resentment of her biological father.  

However, the mother added that eldest son Sam was struggling with the situation, having decided against an education, and starting to side with his father.   

‘Due to my ex’s career change, it looks like he won’t be able to retire, despite being in increasingly poor health,’ she explained. 

She added that the children did not know the support money was being saved for them, but that their father had told them about Ann’s inheritance.

This caused Sam to try to convince Ann to give their father her inheritance, as well as asking his mother to drop the child support order for Ann.  

‘Now that Sam is an adult, my options for forcing him into family therapy are limited, and I feel increasingly bad about lying by omission about the “future fund”, though I know he’d just give it to his dad,’ the mother said. 

‘But there is a huge rift now between Sam and his sisters, Sam hates me for being “greedy”, and has adopted some rather radical outlooks because of it,’ she added.  

People said the mother should have a honest chat with her eldest son to tell him the truth about his father’s misdeeds

‘I’m terrified at how this is changing my relationship with Sam,’ she concluded. 

People were appalled by the father’s decision to turn his back on his third child, and said the mother should have an ‘adult’ chat with Sam to explain the situation to him plainly.  

‘This sounds like a man who chickened out and decided he didn’t really want to do a third kid, but also chickened out of being honest with himself (because he know how horrible walking away from his own child was) and therefore talked himself into the first random justification he could make stick,’ one person said. 

‘People do that, sometimes. Weirdly, the more obviously irrational the justification, the harder they seem to stick to it – I guess because the other option is admitting that they wanted to do something awful and come up with a ridiculous justification in order to do it.’ 

‘I hope you have a talk with your son about how if anything about this situation is unfair, it’s how his sister was disowned by her bio-father for something that was completely baseless. He needs to realize that his dad didn’t get scammed by any means. If he can’t retire, it is entirely his fault, he did this to himself,’ they added. 

‘You are not the reason he won’t be able to retire, it’s in change in job to try and get out of child support that will,’ another argued.  

People also said the father-of-three had reaped what he had sown and needed to keep paying child support

‘Your ex doesn’t have the sense God gave a donut. 99% of the population is conceived on a lot more than 3 glasses of champagne,’ another said. 

‘Also, I hope you can convince your son to do family counseling because it actually sounds like he’s blaming Ann for his dad leaving,’ they added. 

‘As for the child support… he should be legally required to wear a badge that tells everyone what he did to his family. (I’d like to see him get a good job then!) Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,’ they went on. 

‘ETA: Obviously you’re NTA. And Sam needs to quit bullying a thirteen year old child about giving HER inheritance to a man who is frankly undeserving of a thought in her head, much less a dime from her purse,’ they concluded. 

‘I think time to sit Sam down and lay it all out as bluntly and objectively as possible.  Explain to him that certain part of the past were glossed over while he was young to preserve his relationship with his father, but since he feels that it’s his business to get involved, he should have the whole truth,’ one offered.  

‘If Sam wants to give his college money to his dad, that’s his choice. In time he’ll realize what kind of man his dad really is,’ another said. 

‘Ann has no obligation to the man who abandoned her. The trust fund is hers and hers alone. It doesn’t sound like she’ll be manipulated into it though,’ they added.

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