My daughter's messy home makes me feel ashamed – even though she has a cleaner

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE always had a clean and tidy house but my daughter’s home is a complete mess.

I am 49. She is 28, happily married with a six-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter. Her husband is 29. They have a big house but clothes are heaped up or strewn all over the bedrooms.

They have a cleaner and it’s true the children always put their toys away before bedtime and her husband doesn’t seem to mind the clutter.

They are good parents and their children are happy, secure and thriving.

But their home is such a tip. I have tried to encourage her to stay on top of it but she became really upset. Now it is a taboo subject.

I try to turn a blind eye but I feel ashamed.

DEIDRE SAYS: Who’s making you feel judged?

Your daughter and her family are happy and thriving, and it seems only you are fretting about how untidy their home is.

Focus on what matters – how happy they all are – and praise her parenting and wifely skills rather than criticise her untidiness.

If you still feel bothered, talk it over with Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).

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