DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER I’m feeling tired or depressed, my partner just puts it down to the menopause.
All I want is a bit of sympathy, support and understanding. But he acts like I can’t have real difficulties and that they are only “women’s problems”.
I’m 52 and he’s 54. We’ve been together for 20 years.
He’s never been supportive, even though I’ve always helped him through all his mental health issues.
He says things like, “I don’t know why you put up with me,” and “I don’t deserve you” – and I’m starting to think he’s right.
The main thing in my life that makes me miserable is him. I’m always having to help him through crises, sort out his messes or help him financially.
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It’s not my hormones!
All I want in return is to feel loved, appreciated and listened to.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your relationship is stuck in an unhealthy pattern: You give and he takes; you’re the capable one, he’s the one who needs support.
You’ve fallen into the role of the maternal, rather than the lover.
You need to spell out clearly how unhappy you are.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should be useful.
Consider couples counselling, too. Find out more about the therapy via Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).
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