My secret lover of 15 years died and I can’t tell a soul how devastated I am

DEAR DEIDRE: FOR 15 years I had been having an affair. My lover dropped dead but I can’t tell a soul how devastated I am.

I am a woman of 45. We started our affair when we worked together, before I had my children. 

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My husband is 48. He’s lovely but our ­marriage is dull. My lover married somebody else but our affair still continued.

He constantly begged me to commit. I couldn’t because of my children and I tried to finish with him.

He would spoil me, buy me gifts and give me money. My husband is old-fashioned and I’d only get “housekeeping money” from him. My lover had a heart attack in March but of course no one told me. 

I was worried because he wasn’t answering my messages. When lockdown eased the golf-club receptionist told me he’d passed away. I’m so incredibly sad.

DEIDRE SAYS: It must have been devastating to find out that way and having nobody you can share your grief with feels harsh, though it often happens to secret lovers.

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Now you have to decide whether your affair was propping up a hopeless marriage. My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT can help.

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