Should I tell my fiancée I had great sex with good-looking girl at work before our big day?

I’m 28 with a well-paid career and loving fiancée I have been with for four years.

This all happened towards the end of last year. I was rocketing up the management tree and my life was all going to plan.

Then a good-looking girl joined my team. She was just 22 and I soon took her under my wing. I could tell that she took quite a shine to me.

I said I would stay after work to explain how things worked and knew I wanted her then.

She said she was grateful and came in the next morning wearing a very short skirt, so I knew what she wanted from me.

When the others had left I pretended to talk about targets and sales, then I pulled her towards me and we were kissing.

She pleasured me and then we had the full works on the floor. She made all the right noises, which made me feel good.

We had sex a few more times like that after work and went out for drinks and to clubs in the town at weekends.

Then she seemed to fall out with the people at work and seemed to lose interest in me. I kept trying to get her to stay late at work but she wouldn’t have sex with me again.

That was a year ago and I still haven’t told my fiancée about this girl — or about another girl from work I had a fling with before, though that was more or less a one-night stand after drinks at work.

I haven’t cheated with anyone since and I haven’t thought about doing so.

But the wedding is in May. Do I now tell my fiancée how I messed up and stepped out of line or do I keep quiet and protect her from that?

Those two girls have moved on to new jobs so there’s no risk of my partner finding out.

I love my fiancée a lot and I want to be honest before we tie the knot, but I don’t want to spoil what we’ve got.

Topic of the day

The youngest I’ve heard from with this worry was 11. But how do you tell if you’re hooked or just have a normal level of interest? My leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? explains self-help tactics.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re lucky not to have faced disciplinary measures at work. Those girls may have been willing but you abused your position of power as a manager.

Don’t tell your fiancée just to offload your guilt. You’ll make her very unhappy and she might never trust you again. What matters is that you can trust yourself in future never to repeat this behaviour.

Think about why you so readily chose to play away. Are there issues in your relationship that need sorting or was it about craving the buzz?

Enjoying the risk of being caught by the CCTV suggests that, but better to get into a sport like running which will boost your endorphin levels.

M e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? can help you think this through.


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