Jerry Nadler’s new script for fall season of Impeachment Kabuki Theater

Congress is back, so House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler is launching the fall season of Impeachment Kabuki Theater — an elaborate charade that means absolutely nothing.

The latest ploy from Nadler (D-Manhattan) is to declare the proceedings “formal,” though the full House hasn’t even tried to hold a vote on opening actual Trump impeachment hearings, and never will.

Not unless the chairman can somehow magically spin the dust from thousands of hours spent investigating the president into proof of … something real.

But “magic” and “Nadler” being pretty much polar opposites, he’ll instead focus on putting on his best illusion, starting with Thursday’s planned committee vote on new rules and procedures for … well, it’s not even a “witch hunt” anymore. Snipe hunt?

Tellingly, Nadler’s also rushing to change the script. “Collusion” is on the cutting floor, while “obstruction” seems to be stuck in rewrite. (Though Nadler says he’s got 10 more “possible” instances where Trump obstructed justice. Maybe. If you squint exclusively out of your left eye.)

The new focus is on “emoluments” and “Stormy” — the former, a show of efforts to find wrongdoing in things like Vice President Mike Pence’s stay at Trump’s golf resort in Ireland; the latter, basically, a bid for new headlines involving the porn star.

Ideally, the Trump-hating media will hold its nose and put an ominous spin on Nadler’s rehash — all of it already thoroughly investigated.

Overall, it’s even weaker than last session’s embarrassing season of Nadler’s Kabuki Theater, especially its lowlight: the endlessly anticipated testimony of former special counsel Robert Mueller, who only told the committee to read his report — the report that bombed “collusion” and fatally wounded “obstruction.”

Without something real, the American people don’t want Congress wasting everyone’s time on actual impeachment hearings, and even the members of Congress who say they want it are just posturing.

Nadler’s real goal: Appease the Democratic base, which slavers for impeachment, and maybe dirty the president’s name a bit more.

As the chairman told CNN’s Erin Burnett: “We will at the conclusion of this — hopefully by the end of the year — vote to vote articles of impeachment to the House floor. Or we won’t. That’s a decision we’ll have to make. But that’s exactly the process we’re in right now.”

“Or we won’t.” Give Nadler credit for this much honesty: He can barely even fake it.

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