{"id":179442,"date":"2023-08-27T10:42:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-27T10:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hotworldreport.com\/?p=179442"},"modified":"2023-08-27T10:42:00","modified_gmt":"2023-08-27T10:42:00","slug":"i-took-my-husband-back-after-his-affair-but-he-now-has-to-follow-my-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hotworldreport.com\/lifestyle\/i-took-my-husband-back-after-his-affair-but-he-now-has-to-follow-my-rules\/","title":{"rendered":"I took my husband back after his affair – but he now has to follow my rules"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

He met her at a work function. <\/p>\n

He reached out his hand to say hello and introduce himself. She immediately made a joke of his name as if she was nervous.<\/p>\n

From that moment on, she laughed at all his jokes. Listened to what he was saying and looked at him as if he was the most attractive man in the room.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s all it took to turn his head.<\/p>\n

Ten years of marriage, and three children later, that\u2019s all it took for my husband James* to cheat on me.<\/p>\n

Not just once, but an affair that spanned two years and only stopped because he got caught.<\/p>\n

<\/strong>I took him back \u2013 but only if he agreed to abide by a strict set of rules. <\/p>\n

He\u2019d have to stick to a curfew, let me know where he is 24 hours a day and remove the passcode on his mobile phone and tablet.<\/p>\n

I was at home looking after our children, while my husband was schmoozing the night away at a jolly old party, meeting Jane*.

<\/strong>He claims they didn\u2019t sleep together that first night. They waited until the second night. As if that made any difference.<\/p>\n

The next day, when their work trip was over, they went back to their individual offices and back to their own lives.<\/p>\n

James returned to his \u2013 our <\/strong>\u2013 life of chaotic and mundane domesticity. Now, however, his every thought was with Jane.<\/p>\n

It turns out that not a minute of the day passed without him wondering where she was and what she was doing. They couldn\u2019t communicate in the traditional way, by sending gushy texts or emails, in case someone saw them, so they kept their conversations professional.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t cry or even call a friend<\/p>\n

To be honest, in the beginning, I didn\u2019t even notice the fact that he was distracted. I was too busy running our lives.<\/p>\n

I had so much to juggle: the kids, work, our household, looking after our elderly parents\u2026<\/p>\n

James eventually used this against me, accusing me of neglecting him, which felt like crap. I was doing my best.<\/p>\n

I wonder if it ever occurred to him that I felt neglected, too.<\/p>\n

Looking back now, I recall our eldest child saying, \u2018Dada, you are different\u2019 \u2013 but I didn\u2019t notice the change.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t excessively texting any more than usual, and going away for work was just the norm.<\/p>\n

Two years in, Jane\u2019s husband found me on social media and got in touch to tell me about the affair.<\/p>\n

It was evening. The kids were in bed, I was unwinding with a glass of wine and scrolling on social media when I received his message.<\/p>\n

It turned out they\u2019d got less careful about the way they messaged, and Jane\u2019s husband had seen a WhatsApp notification that made it clear they were arranging a romantic rendezvous.<\/p>\n

He was just so angry and he said he would never take Jane back.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t cry or even call a friend. I just needed to process it, and my first reaction was rage.<\/p>\n

I knew in my gut that it was true \u2013 otherwise, why would Jane\u2019s husband go to all the trouble of reaching out to me?<\/p>\n

At this point, I didn\u2019t really care about what was happening in their relationship, I was just devastated; it was soul-crushing.<\/p>\n

I honestly didn\u2019t know how to go about confronting James, I was in such a state; I just felt like murdering him.<\/p>\n

I waited till the next day to bring it up with him. The kids were in bed and we were out in the garden. I had been observing him all day, and then in the evening I just lost it.<\/p>\n

I asked him, who is Jane? He was in shock and went into complete denial \u2013 he said she was just a work colleague.<\/p>\n

I told him to stop lying to my face, that I knew he had slept with her. I didn\u2019t tell him I knew everything \u2013\u00a0I wanted to see how much more he was willing to lie.<\/p>\n

And he did. <\/strong>He continued to lie, even saying it was a one off!<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t beg for <\/strong>forgiveness. In fact, he mostly tried to blame me for the affair. That just made me even more angry.<\/p>\n

Angry enough to kick him out of our house. I couldn\u2019t bear to face him and his betrayal every day.<\/p>\n

Yet splitting up forever \u2013 the way Jane and her husband did \u2013 seemed unfathomable.

<\/strong>My husband was the first and only person I ever slept with. I was 30, and had resisted having sex because I only wanted to sleep with the person who put a ring on it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d slept with other people before we got married, however had no long-term relationships; no old, unrequited lovers who\u2019d pop up at inopportune moments.<\/p>\n

If I had to dream up a man it would be him. He ticked all the boxes, he was intelligent, attractive, affectionate and funny.<\/p>\n

We had three young children, a mortgage, and I\u2019d invested in his business\u2026 divorcing would have had huge repercussions.<\/p>\n

His reaction changed when we started talking again; the separation made him understand what he had to lose. He did apologise before I took him back, saying he wanted to mend it and was determined to make a go of it.<\/p>\n

Six months later, after long talks with my family and friends, I agreed to meet up with him in a safe space, to talk in person.<\/p>\n

<\/i>More from Platform<\/h2>\n

Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk’s first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Find some of our best reads of the week below:<\/p>\n

An anonymous writer describes the moment he found out his boyfriend was HIV positive and hadn’t told him. <\/p>\n

Adee Phelan made millions in his job as hairdresser and salon owner, all without being able to read. Now in his 50s, Adee is starting to learn. <\/p>\n

Mr and Mrs Smith lost their 17-year-old son Harry to suicide a decade ago. Harry took his own life on results day after not getting the AS Level grades he was expecting. <\/p>\n

And Maggie Redding, who along with her wife Sylvia, lives in a LGBTQ+ friendly retirement complex, explains how homophobia doesn’t stop once you reach your 80s. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s no denying that James\u2019 infidelity was devastating to our relationship \u2013 it created a trail of broken trust and shattered emotions.<\/p>\n

Rebuilding that was no easy feat, but I decided that it could be done, with open communication and commitment. After all, we\u2019d been married for a decade, and had already achieved so much together as husband and wife.<\/p>\n

The first step in moving forward for us was acknowledging the truth.<\/p>\n

I wanted to know everything about the affair, as painful as it was. He told me it had lasted for two years, and they\u2019d met up about six times but had messaged every day.<\/p>\n

We discussed the reasons behind the infidelity, the impact it had on our relationship, and our willingness to work towards healing.<\/p>\n

Setting clear boundaries was one of the fundamental aspects of rebuilding the trust. So together, we agreed on a set of rules and expectations, as an essential part of our journey towards healing and fixing our relationship.<\/p>\n

I told James I need to know where he is at all times, and his overnight work trips had to be cut to a minimum. On nights out, he had to agree to a curfew.<\/p>\n

He was no longer allowed to have passcodes on his tablet and mobile phone.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure there was a lot of internal huffing and puffing, but I really didn\u2019t care. He knew I wouldn\u2019t take him back unless he agreed and stuck to the rules \u2013\u00a0so he was eager to do whatever it would take.<\/p>\n

We had to have one night a week together without the children, and every six weeks an overnight trip without them.<\/p>\n

We had to make it a priority to pay more attention to each other and be open if either of us were feeling neglected, or felt something wasn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n

It was important, also, to establish that both our voices were relevant, not just James\u2019.<\/p>\n

To benefit me, as a working mum, we agreed <\/strong>a cleaning lady would attend the house five days a week, and that James had to pull his weight, regarding looking after the children.<\/p>\n

We did it and, <\/strong>a year on, rebuilding our relationship is still a work in progress. We have a long way to go. Deep down, I know that James could still be hiding things.<\/p>\n

When he first moved back in, every <\/strong>time he was five minutes late home, my mind went to a dark place, imagining that he was meeting up with Jane, or loitering in the car to Facetime her.<\/p>\n

But <\/strong>I have had to put my faith in the fact that James wants our relationship as much as I do.<\/p>\n

The rules have established a structure for us \u2013 and with them I feel more secure.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve managed to stick to them \u2013 well, as far as I know.<\/p>\n

*Names have been changed<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Share your views in the comments below.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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