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\u2018Is it true that if you don\u2019t use it, you lose it?\u2019<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been 18 years since Steve Carell\u2019s 40-year-old Virgin hit the big screen, but our attitude to those who haven\u2019t done The Deed, hasn\u2019t changed that much.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re heading into your 30s without ever having had sex, the messaging is pretty clear: you\u2019re a bit, well, weird.<\/p>\n
Hit films like American Pie and Never Been Kissed taught us that getting laid in our late teens is pretty a much a must, and even recent Netflix hits like Mindy Kayling\u2019s Never Have I Ever reinforce the trope. \u2018We\u2019re finally seniors, and honestly, I think we\u2019re doing pretty great\u2019 says main character Devi. \u2018You\u2019re right,\u2019 responds her friend, Eleanor. \u2018We\u2019ve all had sex.\u2019<\/p>\n
And while it\u2019s true that the average age people lose their virginity in the UK is 17, for some, it happens much later \u2013 and now, they\u2019re ready to speak up.<\/p>\n
TikTok has a lot to answer for when it comes to questionable trends, but later-life virgins and those less sexually experienced are taking to the platform to share their truths, in the hopes of breaking down the stigma associated with being sexually inactive in your late 20s and beyond.<\/p>\n
Allora Dannon Campbell went viral in December 2022 after she shared her \u2018most embarrassing secret\u2019 online.<\/p>\n
And if you tell me: \u201cYou\u2019ll find someone when you stop looking \/ least expect it,\u201d I may throat punch you. \ud83d\ude18 #latebloomer #datingadvice #dating #datingtips #datingstorytime #single #singlelife #datingadviceforwomen #datingapps #neverhaveiever <\/p>\n
Allora, then 32, said: \u2018I have never been on a date, first or otherwise. I have never been asked out or been kissed. No one has ever hit on me.\u2019<\/p>\n
Overnight, Allora gained a huge following on the platform, with others saying they were in the same position as her. <\/p>\n
She said: \u2018One of the most isolating things about being perpetually, forever single in a society that places values on benchmarks surrounding relationships is you can feel very much like you\u2019re a one man team\u2026 knowing that we\u2019re all on the same little lonely loveless team somehow feels good.\u2019<\/p>\n
She went onto create a Facebook group for her \u2018late bloomer\u2019 community, where people could share advice and experiences.<\/p>\n
Hearing others stories was also valuable to TikToker, Mia, who spoke candidly about the feelings of shame and embarrassment surrounding being a late bloomer.<\/p>\n
The 40-year-old said: \u2018I\u2019ve never been in love. I\u2019ve never been in a relationship and I\u2019ve had no one ever ask me out on a date\u2026 sharing that is really shameful for me.<\/p>\n
\u2018There\u2019s a certain kind of loneliness that comes along with this and a sense of always being on the outside looking in.\u2019<\/p>\n
She goes on to say: \u2018I\u2019m so grateful for TikTok because I\u2019ve seen other people talk about this and it\u2019s helped me feel less alone, because I truly felt like there was something legitimately, deeply wrong with me for my lack of experience.\u2019<\/p>\n
While some people have shared their sadness at their romantic status, others have a more positive outlook.<\/p>\n
TikToker Mary Fran said: \u2018I have never been kissed. I have never been in a relationship. I have never fallen in love and had it reciprocated. I have never held hands romantically, and that\u2019s okay.\u2019<\/p>\n
Mary, who says she is \u2018almost 30\u2019, adds: \u2018Society has told me that, with age, I should have experience. But guess what? It\u2019s okay to not have experience, it is okay to take the time to fall in love with yourself and that\u2019s what I\u2019m doing. <\/p>\n
\u2018Because if I\u2019m going to have somebody in my life\u2026 I want them to love me just as much as I love myself.\u2019<\/p>\n
So why is being a late bloomer still seen as taboo?<\/p>\n
Kate Moyle, a sex psychologist working with sexual wellness brand LELO, previously told Metro.co.uk that culturally, first-time sex is seen as something to get done and dusted, asap.<\/p>\n
She explains: \u2018Many people feel that they have sexual encounters because they think that they \u201cshould\u201d sometimes rather than a genuine want for the experience.\u2019<\/p>\n
Kate also notes it\u2019s possible to be sexual without wanting to have sex or go \u2018all the way\u2019 \u2013 there is nuance that often gets missed.<\/p>\n
\u2018For some it will feel like ticking a box or fulfilling something that they think is expected of them\u2019, she adds.<\/p>\n
\u2018Sexual experiences do not have to focus around intercourse or certain acts, but around whether those involved had a satisfying and enjoyable time.<\/p>\n
\u2018Sex is subjective and can\u2019t be measured objectively.\u2019<\/p>\n
When talking about virginity, Kate believes we need to get better at not passing judgement on others.<\/p>\n
She says: \u2018Like everything else in life we all do things in different ways at different times.<\/p>\n
\u2018We can be very judgmental about sex and make lots of assumptions about what someone\u2019s behaviour means about them sexually.<\/p>\n
\u2018We can also very easily shame people for their sexual experiences quite simply by the way that we talk about them, and this can shut someone down sexually or make them question themselves.\u2019<\/p>\n