Join the Secret Elves for exclusive news on the year’s best gifts
Join the Secret Elves for exclusive news on the year’s best gifts
We have more newsletters
The world is well and truly on the edge of several absolutely chaotic and horrifying crisis points – from war to potentially more pandemics . . . or five.
And as we approach Christmas Day, the Daily Star has put together a not so festive guide on just how f***ed the Santa-loving season could be for the United Kingdom. To make life easier for everyone, which is a rare occasions these days, we're ranking each crisis with Christmas Puddings.
So, the worse the crisis and impact on the population, the more Christmas Puddings it will get – totally scientific, unarguable and factual, obviously.
READ MORE: Deadly 100-day cough strikes UK – see map of every Whooping Cough infection
For more of the latest news from the Daily Star, click here.
If you're looking for happy news, look away now, because it seems as if no matter what we do, Christmas is is looking bleak for many reasons.
Viruses, viruses everywhere – Four Christmas Puddings out of five
There are now five horrifying viruses floating around the world, three of which are already in the UK.
Whooping Cough is at record levels, Coronavirus is still around and running riot, and seasonal flu is threatening to overwhelm the NHS – which doesn't appear to take much effort these days. Not in the UK are the mystery Chinese pneumonia and Anthrax. Despite not being in the UK, they are both already in Europe, with the Chinese pneumonia cases in Denmark, France and the Netherlands.
-
Four deadly viruses could ruin UK's Christmas – from 100 day cough to China pneumonia
All of these combined, could see swathes of Brits flocking to hospitals, staying in bed or avoiding others just to get through Christmas. Sounds familiar . . .
For that reason, we're giving the potential of viruses f***ing up Christmas a four Christmas Puddings out of five rating.
War, what is it good for? – Three Christmas Puddings out of five
There are two major wars going on right now – Israel and its war on Hamas terrorists in Gaza, and Ukraine's attempts to fend of Russian President Vladimir Putin's invading army. And while the latter is closer to home for those of us living in Europe, the war in the Middle East does also have a huge impact on the UK and its minority communities.
-
Mystery China virus has 'resistance of up to 90% to the available drugs', says top doc
Putin's war is set to reach a horrifying peak around Christmas, as Ukraine is said to be running out of money and ammunitions. It has been said that should Putin take advantage of this, and launch an war-ending all-out assault on Ukraine, but it will not stop there. Neighbouring countries, such as Moldova, Romania, Hungary and Slovakia are reportedly on the war mad despot's radar.
It would bring war closer to the UK than it has been since the ending of World War Two. In the UK, the Israel/Hamas war has seen tension between minority communities increase, with weekly marches calling for a ceasefire – but littered with evidential antisemitism – taking place. While London has now become a no-go zone for British Jews during those weekend.
-
'Aliens' landed at Chernobyl after nuclear disaster to 'suck radiation from air'
And with no signs of a ceasefire coming anytime soon, that tension will only increase. The potential for these two wars to end up as a full on World War by the end of this year is probably pretty slim, but even so, the impact is being felt here, so we've given this a three Christmas Puddings out of five.
Money, money money…we've got none – Five Christmas Puddings out of five
Let's be honest – we're all skint.
Christmas this year is going to be more about spending time with family than splashing out on lavish meals. Wars, viruses, dodgy Prime Ministers giving us all the highest tax rates for decades and more have seen Christmas well and truly f***ed for all of us.
-
UK braced for Tripledemic chaos as Covid, mystery Chinese virus and flu take over
Giant roast Turkey? Nah, more like Turkey Twizzlers this year. If our Christmas Pudding ratings were real, we could probably just about afford the raisins inside one of the, never mind the flaming booze poured over the top.
This was always going to get the worst rating possible, and on a very serious note, the lack of cash will increase the pressure on families, be it for food costs or trying to buy the best gifts available. Cheers *clinks glass of water . . . from a puddle outside*
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's either aliens, bigfoot, black cats or Godzilla – Two Christmas Puddings out of five
From mysterious Mexican aliens with 30% unknown DNA, to several weird creatures washing up on beaches worldwide, 2023 has been the most horrifying year the Daily Star has ever seen when it comes to mad beasts.
So we're not ruling out the fact that a giant Godzilla attack could take place on Christmas Day, or that aliens could come down and probe us all. If not aliens, there's always the chance that bigfoot could get another sighting, OR big black cats could maul us all to death. Here, have two Christmas Puddings for your trouble, because aliens f***ing up Christmas seems like the most rational thing to happen these days.
For the latest breaking news and stories from across the globe from the Daily Star, sign up for our newsletter by clicking here .
- Money
- In the News
- Russia Ukraine war
- Ukraine
- Vladimir Putin
- Israel-Hamas war
- Israel
- World War 3
- Health issues
- Coronavirus
- Alien
- Christmas
- NHS
- money
- Family
- London
Source: Read Full Article