DEAR DEIDRE: NOW that I’ve transformed my looks, got my own house and started going out with my friends, my boyfriend is finally prepared to give me the one thing I’ve been desperate for – children.
For ten years I’ve begged him to commit and start a family, but he has never been ready, instead coming up with endless excuses.
He has broken my heart more times than I care to remember, with suspicious “friendships” and late-night calls to other women.
He never posts pictures of me on his social media and when I’ve met colleagues of his, it’s clear they didn’t realise he had a long-term girlfriend.
Whenever I’ve confronted him he’s made me feel stupid for questioning him, but I know he hasn’t been faithful.
I am 36 and he is 37.
Now he complains that the changes I’ve made recently have made him feel left out, which I admit I’ve done on purpose.
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Lately he has been a different man and has gone above and beyond for me.
He compliments my looks, does all the cooking and cleaning and, most confusing of all, he is talking about marrying me, apologising for being a rubbish boyfriend, and wants to do better.
He has even talked about starting a family. He cries at the thought of losing me.
This is a far cry from the man who ridiculed me for putting on weight and even engineered family photos so that I wasn’t included.
He put me through an emotional rollercoaster. I’m not used to the attention I am receiving and the love I’ve yearned for.
I can’t decide whether to stay or continue to make a life for myself alone.
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DEIDRE SAYS: What an unrewarding relationship you’ve had with this man.
Unless he has had a complete character transformation, any change is unlikely to be permanent.
It’s hard to stay with someone who has treated you so badly, but his regret might be something you can build on.
Take your time – if there is a place in your heart for him, he has to truly earn it.
Don’t be taken in by his talk of a wedding and children.
If you decide to pursue a life without him, take your time and make sure it’s the right move for you.
Counselling would help you choose the right path. My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more.
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