My mate is a caveman. He thinks it’s clever to show me smutty pictures of his girlfriend naked.
He sidles up and whispers: “Have a look at this one.” I don’t know if he expects me to be impressed or turned on, but I’m not interested.
He’s barking up the wrong tree. If I want to look at a naked woman, I look at my own partner or we view soft porn together.
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I work alongside him every day at the garage run by my uncle. I want to blow my top but my uncle is a hard taskmaster who doesn’t like conflict in the workplace. I fear rocking the boat.
But why should I have to put up with having filth flung in my face? This muppet doesn’t only show me pictures of his girl, oh no. There are often films of them having sex and shots of him with other women and couples.
He fancies himself as a sex god and swinger. Evidently, the cul-de-sac he’s moved into is a hotbed of wife-swapping. But it’s too much for me. I’m no prude – my partner and I enjoy a very healthy physical relationship, but I never feel the need to brag.
The other thing is I’m not sure his girlfriend knows that he betrays her. I’ve met her a few times down the pub and she seems shy and reserved. My partner is convinced she has no idea that my mate humiliates her. Should someone tell her? How do I handle this when I’m beginning to dread going into work each day?
JANE SAYS: I’m in no doubt that your colleague gets a cheap thrill out of cornering and embarrassing you.
Each time he flashes a smutty image in your face he feels emboldened, but he’s abusing your friendship.
Your uncle employs you both to crack on. None of us likes to be distracted when we’re attempting to earn a living. Tell him today to stop or you’ll make an official complaint.
I understand that your uncle isn’t interested in personal matters, but you’re entitled to speak out and complain. Are other colleagues targeted too?
If your mate won’t stop make it clear that your work is being impacted. Is your uncle prepared to face this matter and talk to him or do you have to check out ACAS (acas.org.uk) regarding your working conditions?
As for your mate’s relationship, is your partner inclined to speak to the woman in question to warn her?
Other people’s arrangements are often complicated. For all you know his girlfriend could know he shares intimate images of her.
It might be their “thing” – the fruity act that turns them both on and sparks their sex life. But another woman speaking to her might be appropriate. There’s every chance she’ll tell you both to butt out, but I think it’s worth a try, especially if he’s bullying or even coercing her.
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