Spooked: The exclusive Melbourne school where Halloween is not welcome

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CBD was spooked on Tuesday at the chilling discovery that upmarket Melbourne private school St Michael’s Grammar has banned Halloween.

Parents were alerted late last week, via a lengthy message on the school community smartphone app, that the Anglican establishment’s senior chaplain father Kenyon McKie had declared that the scary stuff was not welcome at the school’s St Kilda campus.

Halloween stock in Kmart.Credit: Simon Schluter

After a 600 word recap on the origins, history and traditions of the festival, McKie – an accredited Godly Play teacher – got to discussing the dangers of Halloween.

“Many Christians would feel that recognising Halloween gives the false impression that what is actually potentially spiritually dangerous is innocuous,” the chaplain wrote.

“Some children develop a fascination with the supernatural that may lead them into more sinister occult practices later in life.”

That’s proper scary, but it’s not the not only reason why Halloween has been expelled from St Michael’s.

“As a Child Safe School, we do not want to promote a practice that, in some cases, causes annoyance, destruction of property and havoc for our neighbourhoods,” McKie wrote.

The senior chaplain was gracious enough to let families know they were “welcome to observe celebrations and festivals of their choosing outside school”.

So many questions, right? In response to our queries, the school told us that McKie’s message to parents reflected the school’s long-standing position on Halloween, which appeared to have served it well.

“In the past we have never had any behavioural issues or concerns regarding the school’s recommendations on Halloween, and we do not anticipate any issues this year,” a spokesperson said.

UNCAGED

When Melbourne Cup broadcaster Network Ten decided to pull out of the race for the fresh round of Melbourne Cup broadcasting rights, it looks like the network decided to make a clean break of it.

Ten has been showing the race that stops a nation each year since 2019, when it secured the broadcast on a five year, $100 million deal. It scored a Logie nomination last year after pulling out all the stops for its Eddie McGuire-hosted coverage of the event.

But the network walked away from negotiations for a new deal in June – citing “commercial restraints” and “viewer and advertiser preferences” – amid heavy industry speculation that the organisers at Victoria Racing Club were keen on a deal with either Nine or Seven.

So, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions from the decision by Paramount, the US entertainment giant that owns Ten, not to host its own marquee in the Birdcage area at Flemington for this year’s spring carnival.

The boy from Broady turned Eddie everywhere.

It’s a shame because the company went all-out last year, deploying some of its stable of stars to launch its big tent, “inspired by the glamour and grandeur of old Hollywood and the history of Paramount, the Paramount marquee is the choicest trackside destination”.

A Ten spokesperson confirmed that there would be no company marquee at Flemington this year and that the network would “instead entertain clients and partners at various luxurious trackside locations, in and around the Birdcage Enclosure”. No, CBD is not invited.

RAPPED UP

Before her starring role destroying an Indigenous Voice to parliament, Country Liberal senator Jacinta Nampijinpa Price sought a different kind of limelight as an aspiring rapper and country singer.

Under the stage name Sassy J, Price competed in battles of the bands as part of Alice Springs-based hip hop troupe Catch the Fly. You can track down some of her vocal work on Triple J unearthed if you’re so inclined, probably the last time she got a positive run on the public broadcaster.

But the senator’s evolution into a conservative rising star and Sky News favourite hasn’t gone down too well with some of her former bandmates.

Right before this month’s Voice referendum, Price’s erstwhile collaborator Dan McAleer (alias “Dan the Underdog”) released what can only be described as a “diss track”, called I Don’t Even Recognise Her – geddit?

Jacinta Price in her days as a “blues, soul, roots and folk” singer.Credit: ABC

Over the course of three profane minutes, riddled with language too lewd for a family-friendly column like CBD, McAleer lashes out at the senator’s political pursuit of fame, and chops as a rapper.

“How you go from Tracy Chapman to the black Pauline Hanson?” is a particular favourite line of ours.

The One Nation leader is a big fan of Price’s, and the two have posed for smiling pics together.

A picture accompanying the track features a fake newspaper cover with pictures of Price and McAleer, accompanied by the headline Will the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up. Amateur rappers tend to be wholly unoriginal.

SWEET AND SOUR

We last encountered former Australia men’s test cricket captain Michael Clarke shirtless and exchanging profanities with on-again-off-again girlfriend Jade Yarborough and now former-buddy Karl Stefanovic in a Noosa parking lot in January.

In the aftermath of the public meltdown, the one-time golden boy of Australian cricket lost commentary gigs and sponsorship deals. It’s left Clarke shilling for drinks company Australian Bitters to make ends meet, which is exactly what brought him before A Current Affair’s cameras on Tuesday night.

But if the man known as Pup was expecting a few gentle half-volleys, then it was not to be. The Australian Bitters Company and its PR people wanted a guarantee that the interview would steer clear of matters personal.

Not a chance. Even after ACA warned Clarke they couldn’t avoid the Noosa-shaped elephant in the room, he continued to try and duck journalist Simon Bouda’s bouncers.

“Talk to me about Noosa,” Bouda asked.

“No … listen, I’m here to talk about lemon lime and bitters,” Clarke replied. “This is a good example, as soon as I speak about this it becomes your headline, and that’s not fair to the company that I’m here for.”

Australian Bitters hopes Clarke will help them sell bitters to the world, as it considers a potential US initial public offering next year. Instead, they got a train wreck interview that brought viewers right back to that night in Noosa.

It’s quite the own goal, or should we say, dropped catch. We’ll leave you with Pup’s own final words on the topic of bitters.

“For me it’s a product that … I guess, you want to talk about my personal life? It doesn’t discriminate … married, single, dating, take your pick. You can drink it.” That’s right Clarkey.

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